Laying the Foundation in Your Blended Family
Falling in love is easy and exciting but learning how to merge a blended family and do life together is more complicated when you have adults, kids, ex-spouses, ex-in laws, new in-laws and stepsiblings all thrown into the mix. Learning how to live life with all the additional outside factors will help you and your marriage thrive.
Many people feel overwhelmed with finances in their blended family, but it doesn’t have to be that way. You can create financial vision for your blended family that will unite your marriage and bring your family closer whether you have been blended for years, just recently blended or are preparing to blend.
Laying the foundation in your blended family requires diving into your current situation and evaluating 4 different areas:
Yourself
Your blended family
Your financial values
Your current financial situation
We encourage you to take the time to think about the questions listed in each one of these areas and then discuss your answers with your spouse.
Evaluate yourself
How are you?
How is your overall wellbeing?
Are you living for today or are you rooted in the eternal?
Are you enjoying life?
How are the relationships in your life? Are they life giving or draining?
Have you discovered your purpose?
Are you pursuing your passions?
Why does your overall wellbeing matter? Because eventually you and your spouse are going to discuss family and finances, and if they can’t trust you because of something personal (i.e. an addiction, a bad attitude, an unhealthy relationship, etc.) then it’s going to make financial conversations very difficult.
Evaluate your blended family
How strong is your marriage?
Are you and your spouse working as a team?
What challenges are you currently facing in your marriage?
Are you having any thoughts about giving up?
Do you or your children have any resentment that’s building up regarding your family dynamic?
Do you have unreasonable expectations about bonding? Being both intentional and patient with this process is important because integrating a blended family takes time (years) and intentional effort.
Why is evaluating your blended family situation important? When blended families face financial conflicts, there are typically bigger issues rooted in loyalty, trust, power, control, acceptance and fear. Discussing your current family dynamic is important to working through any underlying issues that may lead to any financial conflicts in the future.
Evaluate your financial values
Are you generally happy and content with what you have?
Do you live within your means?
How do you feel about debt? When is debt good? When is debt bad?
Is giving or tithing important to you?
Do your religious beliefs impact your money habits?
Do you believe that people should work to earn money?
What have you taught your kids about money?
When is it okay to give or loan money to an individual?
What are you saving for?
Do you consider your money to be “my money” or “our money”?
Are you a saver or a spender? Why?
Do you value material items or experiences more?
What material items are most important to you? What do you like to splurge on?
What was money in your family like growing up?
What was your best experience with money?
Evaluate your financial situation
Do you merge your finances, keep them separate or take a hybrid approach?
What are your current assets and liabilities?
Who are the people you are financially responsible for? (i.e. your kids or aging parents)
What would happen to your assets if something were to happen to you? Would those that are financially dependent on you betaken care of?
When was the last time you reviewed the beneficiaries on your accounts and policies?
When you are sitting around the kitchen table talking about money, what are you talking about?
Imagine you are financially secure with enough money to take care of all of your needs now and in the future. How would you live your life? What would you do? Would you change anything?
Every blended family is different; therefore, every blended family financial situation is different. You need a foundation before you begin to create a plan around your finances. Answering these questions with your spouse will give you a great start in building this foundation.
If you find these questions challenging or overwhelming, we are happy to help guide you through these discussions and help you create Your Unique Blend.
